when things fall apart…


Recently, after going through the next round of ups and downs of chemotherapy, I returned to reading “When things fall apart” by Pema Chodron. Here are 2 quotes that spoke to me:

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

And this one, which also includes “fresh”, the theme of the current photo challenge and of yesterday’s post:

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh”

The flowers in the photo above, they are from the garden here. The photo is from last Saturday, the day after chemo. Sunday was overcast and grey, but today it’s sunny again. I think of going for a drive, to go for a walk in a different, new place: somewhere fresh. And while typing this, the news came up that a German airplane crashed in the French Alps. Such terrible news. So many lives.

And the world, these days: it feels like everything is happening at once. It’s good it’s yoga this evening, and that the Paracetamol seems to keep the odd wandering pain/nerve impulses from the chemo at bay.

a fresh try


An early morning moment for the current weekly photo challenge “Fresh”. For me, there is always something special about the freshness of the day, when the rising sun is reflected in the dewdrops.

Here’s the stream of “Fresh” photos + the call: Fresh

And a “fresh” quote:

“I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.”
– J.B. Priestley

solar eclipse morning


today: solar eclipse
today: chemo #6
today: friday
today: day 162 after diagnosis
today: sunny

Today the sky brought a sky show of its own kind: solar eclipse! It was visible here in South Germany from half past 9 to half 12, and the skies were open – but I was inside at that time with others in the oncology centre, getting the next chemo. We saw the effects of the eclipse together, though, with the view outside turning shaded in a strange way. And with the nurses joking about whose eyesight might be worth to risk for a direct look, while we shared stories of the last visible solar eclipse in 1999.

a bit more about the days 1-162, here: life as a journey: c is for cancer, and for courage, too